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My lockdown journal



Exploring new things is fun but at the same time there are many uncertainty. It doesn't come easy and many times not too difficult too, but through many observations, maybe sometime many failures and many exciting findings. So it is my vegetable scrap project. Today my gem lettuce and celery is ready with healthy roots to be transplanted to soil. It has been 3 months now since I started exploring growing vegetable from scrap. Everyday is a new beginning to see how my scrap transforms and regrows  into lovely vegetable. When I started, it was an unprecedented time. Well, it still is but an unknown phase of that time has now become a new norm. We all one way or another has been accustomed to the new norm and bubbles of new terminologies. Some may still find it hard to adapt. Some might have found some ways to keep their insanity intact. One way or another, many of us have striven to survive from the uncountable unknowns.

It is 3 months ago, on this 22nd day  of March, England officially went into lockdown. The world was startled by the increasing death and infection that none has seen in the history. There has been confusion, and panic. Misinformation was at rife. Many lost their loved ones, many survived from a horrendous journey of recovery. We lost jobs, we were afraid but kindness was at peak. We learnt to do many things differently and we learnt to do what we used to do long before.  In general, we have started to accept the new norm that is caused by the ruckus of an invisible virus which can simply be spread by micro-droplets. We know nothing about it, yet everyone knows everything about this virus from the strains of coronavirus. Governments are trying to cope, parents are trying to survive and kids are trying to get used to what is not their daily routine.

Days we spent at home has increased and indistinguishable. Remote working is at peak and digital world has conquered every way of our life and the world. Connecting yet disconnecting. To think about it, it is poignant evolution how a tiny virus took less then 100 days to shut the world down and distanced the humans from each other. These strange months threat posed by Covid-19 has defined a new awareness of mindfulness. Many daily reports showing there are many rough contours forming especially in mental well-being of people working from home, keeping social distancing and losing loved ones. Fear and anxiety has increased . A recent study shows 2 in 5 adult in the UK feel lonelier under the lockdown (source:  The Guardian, 19 June 2020).  The study in the form of a survey by British Red Cross also showed 37% of adults said their neighbours were strangers to them and 31% felt they have no one to turn to when they are confronting a problem. Undeniably, a pandemic has caused an epidemic of loneliness.  

However, in the virtue of kindness, despite the negativity of societal impact, Britain is also seeing something profound and great that redefines and revitalises the meaning of community in the 21st century. Strangers became friends, neighbours look out for vulnerable people and offer help, and donations of food and personal protection equipments, PPE can be seen almost in very part of the country. The pandemic paradoxically, has proven to bring people closer and more appreciative. Personally, I think the novel coronavirus is changing what is possible to every individual and many had been given the time and space to refocus and revisit life.

While we face many challenges and shocks. We are also seeing new possibilities. I am not going into the deeper discussion on how economies are evolving, politics are changing, and how some parts of the world are deprived from the basic rights, or simply how Covid-19  got lucky to have emerged at a low point of global cooperation. I would have discussed those issues if I am still at the Newsdesk. I still do obverse the changes and follow the news and updates on a macro and micro level but as a mum of 2 little boys , wife of a husband who is in the vulnerable group  and daughter of an elderly father who is so far away in another country, my concerns and priority is pivotally focussed towards my family, personal perspective, and prospective. It has changed my perception of time where I believe time has given me the space to focus on how I live my day to day living. In the hush and rush of work, home and many other chores that was carrying and swaying many of us away from the utmost importance of life. I finally had found a space to re-contemplate while ensuring my family is safe and my neighbours are fine.

I still work remotely.  I home-school my boys and continuously find new creative ways to keep them engaged with formal education. I instill informal studies when they refuse to sit at their desk and do familiar works from school simply because it is different from how school is and was. In this matter  I am lucky to have a fabulous school who goes extra miles to ensure their pupils and parents are keeping well and intact. They are more than trained to keep my little-ones well-connected to school and their friends in a new way amidst this catastrophe. I have learnt to live with Covid-19, and is accustoming myself on  how life would look like in post Covid-19. I have learnt to trick the the time retrospectively without being trapped in the present  and reclaim the future. Undoubtedly,  the new norm will remain here for sometime now. The rebelious virus has given us a chance and training on temporal thought and flexibility. People like me will weather this crisis but there might be others ahead. Perhaps then, You and I will be glad to know that we can and must trick time and plan for the future-even when we feel stuck in the present.

Before I go, and put my loyal little boys to bed because they want  their mummy to go to bed same time with them, here's a list of things I do to trick my time and space and live in the present.

1. Gardening- I love the smell of my garden, I don't have soiled land  so I have learnt new ways of containers gardening. I explore new  edible flowering plants and started growing vegetables from scraps.

2. Cook. Cooking is an art and  I love quick and easy  dishes without compromising on its taste and quality.  I love to cook with my ever curious sons.

3. Photograph and videography- Pictures speaks thousand of  words and it helps me to view life in a different lens.  I love taking photos of important moments-big or small- my sons , my  plants, nature and my cooking.

4. Declutter and minimise- try it and you will feel relieved. It is human's nature to gather things and hold on to our sentiments but once you have learnt to minimise, let go and focus on the importance of things around you, your perception will change. It did for me.

5.Make a list of unfinished chores and need to do things and ticking them finished, one by one as I completed those things that I have put on hold for a long time, i.e: organising files...well, I still have many in my list but more than that I have done most of it.

6. Stop finding time and start. That including this blog post. I have learnt to limit myself for example from work chores thst I can be engrossed the whole day  and concentrate on other things that I wanted to accomplish i.e writing.

7. I learnt to control my time- I used to be a night person, who is always productive at night but after being a mum, by eight I will feel my bones are cracking my nerves- tired and wants to retire to bed. Instead of  leaving the time to control my activity. I have learnt to master the time. I wake up early at 5am and go early to bed by 10pm. ( there are some exceptional days, I won't be too hard on myself but most days I keep my routine)

8. I learnt to be with myself. Self- discovery is important, listen to my body and mind. For example, sometimes, my mind and body wanted to run but I do postpone it because the rest are busy. However, when I  learnt to be with myself, I can do many things that i  wanted to do, this incuding running daily at 5:15am.

9.  Call my family. I miss my family in Malaysia- especially my dad. I used to hide my feelings and regrets but I have learnt to speak to him and at least more openly send him a text message about how I feel, most importantly that I love him and how proud I am to be his daughter. He is one of the kind and outstanding man. 

10. Call my Friends. I have few lovely friends who are always there for me and I ensure I speak to them at least once weekly. 

11. Check on my neighbour- see if they need any helping hands. Cook for them and do their shopping any time they need it. 

12 Don't sweat for the small stuff- relax, nobody can judge me if my sons made a mess and I am not able to clean it. We will tidy- up when we can and when we want, until then that 'very big' house built with my bed sheets and blankets can stay not too far away from mummy's work area. My plant pots and pencil holder can hold the roof of that ever so strong 'house'. So, chill and be a kid sometimes. The pans won't yell if it is left unwashed when I am too tired. Morning has ample of time to do this. 

13. Write down and revisit my childhood and dreams. I have learnt not to  limit myself because of my circumstances and current situation. 

14. Feel grateful. Close my eyes and listen to the nature.

...the list can go on to a few more like read that book that I wanted to finish, and yours will be different from mine, but I have to go now because my eldest son is leaning on my right  shoulder and yawning.  On my left,  my little one is cuddling and  saying, " Froggy wants little hugs from mummy."

So, good bye for now. Let's make this time more remarkable than ever because we all matters. Keep safe but live your life.





 


Comments

Wishnu. said…
Well written.....interesting and enjoyable to read.Keep on writing sister.....!

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